A Woman's Voice

2004-05-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

All good things must come to an end, and so it is with this blogging site. I have used this site as a place to post for my college class, which is now over. You can visit my personal blogging site or email me.

2004-04-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

Once again I'm astounded by How far we've come. When I read the beauty of words (like those written here):

I tried to touch the moon this morning before it dipped behind the trees, but I got icy cold car window against the tips of my fingers instead. The northern lights reminded me how far I've come away from the tides that used to salt my seashore. How far I've changed from the young woman who drove back and forth across the continent on a whim. With my baby strapped in her car seat sucking babas then fingering chubby books then reading while I raced the Amtrack along the Columbia River Gorge or chased the sunset passed Vallejo to my Indian Valley. How do those astronauts climb into those shuttles and capsules to rocket off the face of the earth away from daughters and dogs and the smell of bacon and the squirt of grapefruit and twenty four hour days?
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It isn't just that we've come from raising babies to writing poetry. It's that we can come across country by ourselves. We can come into our own history. We can write it ourselves.

True, we may feel like we are not living a deliberate life, but it is one of our own choosing. (Even though life can get hectic and make us forget that.) Right now, this is the deliberate life we've chosen. Books, assignments, classes, readings and writings and more readings and writings. (We can rest when we are old.)

2004-04-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

I read (with interest) Tammy's movie review of Ella Enchanted and wanted to comment on the movie. I also enjoyed the movie-for what it was- a Cinderella story. But, that really got me thinking about how we women are raised to believe the Cinderella story. We are somehow endoctrinated to believe that a "Prince Charming" will come along on a white horse and take us away to a land where all will be sweetness and light.

This belief leads to many problems. First, there is no Prince Charming who can make us happy. It is up to each of us to be happy with ourselves, and not to believe that there is any other person who can bring happiness to us. It is such a cop out to adopt the belief that it is up to someone else to make us happy. We need to be able to do that for ourselves. If our happiness depends on someone else, we can never truly be happy, because we will always have the reality or fear of them failing us.

Second, there is no Prince Charming who will "take care of us." Each of us need to be responsible for getting an education, finding a job, and being financially and physically responsible for our own self. If we are dependent on some man to take care of us, we also relinquish our power to him. We give up our personal identity and become an extension of him.

I'm sure most men would be relieved to know that they don't have to be responsible for everything. A marriage should be made of equal partners, not of one person sucking the life out of the other. Relationships should be based on two people offering their best to the other, for the mutual benefit of both.

We need to educate our daughters to reality- not to some myth. There is no Prince Charming, just as there is no Fairy Godmother.

2004-04-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

To those who applied for a Graduate Assistantship, here is a related article on just how lucky I feel to be teaching next year in our very fine English department.

2004-04-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

Erin, I couldn't be more disgusted with the site you advised feminists to take a look at. I won't even link it. It is at http://drd69.blogspot.com, if any of you want to be disgusted. Absolutely pitiful.

I am not blaming you. I realize you are just pointing this out so we can see just how bigoted some men can be. Thanks for that insightful point of view. For some reason, I can't see anything on your blog, Erin.

2004-04-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

If you want to feel good today, there is something you can do about it. You can write in your blog. According to this site, writing in your own blog makes you feel like you are somebody. She says:"Blogs let you remember what you think, what you feel, what you say, how you say it, what you care about and how you live in this world actually matters."
Blogs remind us WE MATTER.

This is important stuff. We, as women, need to know that we do matter. Too many people are just waiting to put us down. Tammy emailed me with info on this site and I'll just let her explain it.
"This is the most complete site I have ever come across for explaining and giving examples of forms and expressions that VERBAL and EMOTIONAL abuse (the two most elusive types) can take on. In my opinion, the silent or private characteristics of these types of abuse do more to oppress women than anything else, including economic issues. When a woman feels her worth she is virtually unstoppable, no matter what her financial backing. It has been my experience that insecure men can not cope with the internal strength of a woman and resort to oppressing her through either or both of these abuses."

Check this out, and you will know what she is talking about.
Right on, sister!

2004-04-07T09:32:00.000-07:00

My classmates are providing me with such interesting and informative sites that I just can't keep up. Thanks, Mary for pointing me to this site, which examines war from a gender perspective. Here is an excerpt:

"Goldstein outlines the cultural factors that promote the gendering of war, such as the construction of norms that link men's identity as masculine with their willingness to fight. To claim the status of "manhood," men have to be willing to endure the trauma of war; those who refuse to do so are castigated with demeaning epithets and are accused of not being "real men." To wage war effectively, men have to learn to suppress their emotions, especially fear and grief. Those who fail the tests of manhood are often publicly shamed and humiliated. Men who are unable to fight because of shell shock or posttraumatic stress disorder are frequently castigated as failing to meet the masculine ideals of independence and self-confidence."

What is doubly sad about this is that men who don't have a war in which to prove their masculinity, will sometimes try to prove it on their wives and families.

2004-04-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

Found this interesting site on combining work and kids. It seems to really explain the lives of working women. I'm sure Audrey and Tammy can relate to this poor lady's schedule.

2004-04-02T15:30:00.000-08:00

Thanks for your email Tammy. Yes, it is ironic that when one man wants to insult another, he will call the other guy a "pussy" or some other negative term. How is it that these negative terms come from gender issues? Why doesn't he call the other guy a "cock"? That wouldn't be negative, would it? They all know they have one. But to be called a "pussy" means that the guy is less than other men. He is weak and deserves to be publically humiliated.

2004-03-29T14:03:00.000-08:00

Here is something else on what I had to say the other day about the offensive urinals. Here are some nun urinals that I believe would be offensive to devout Catholics, and to other religious people, as well.

2004-03-29T13:32:00.000-08:00

Do take a look at this from Clancy on "Whose Voices Get Heard" in the blogosphere. (Thanks, Mike.) I am still looking at her research.

Just looking at the work Clancy has done on her many different blogs is making me envious. She has developed so many different things to look at, all of her links are incredible, she is so clever and articulate. I just LOVE it that she is a woman! She is just one example of how fantastic are our young college educated women. Deserving of power, mighty in rhetoric, humble in attitude. Go, girl, go!

2004-03-26T11:13:00.000-08:00

To give you an idea of the type of disrespectful attitude women are facing (or trying to defend themselves against), take a look at this urinal via Jill. What is this obsession with oral and anal sex? Don't you think maybe it's somehow linked to the power/dominance theme (spoken of in the last blog entry?) I guess it would be a thrill for a power hungry man (on his way to an international flight) to be able to piss into a (symbolic) virgin's mouth

2004-03-26T09:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks for this site, Erin.

This is a different side of the coin, isn't it? Some women use their looks to get what they want. Then there are those of us who aren't (and have never been) pretty enough to do that. I think if you are pretty enough to get that kind of attention, you will use it. Who wouldn't? We all tend to use whatever we have that can get us ahead in life. If that is our looks- well, haven't we been taught by the media that we can get what we want if we have the "right" looks? The problem is that beauty doesn't last. Our bodies are aging and decaying every day. We have to work just to keep up our strength and dignity.

I like that quote, "Beauty is to women what wealth is to men." Henry Kissinger once said that "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac." I guess, that means (in his circle) power is more important than beauty or money.

I would like to see women have some power so they wouldn't have to rely on either money or beauty.

2004-03-25T07:47:00.000-08:00

Something that really bothers me is the language used pertaining to women. Check this out- women get the worst labels AGAIN in The Height of Disrespect (a new study on hip-hop sexuality by Thulani Davis).

Women are often referred to in these kind of words- or worse. Some others that have been used are bitch, pussy, squaw (meaning snatch) and cunt. If you've every seen The Vagina Monologues performed, you will know that the word "cunt" was actually a very positive word for a woman in the early days of European civilization. Somehow, man (men) turned that around and made it the worst possible word for woman. Nothing negative you can say about a man begins to compare to it. Dork, prick, shaft, cock, etc. none of them have the same negative implication, do they?

2004-03-22T15:09:00.000-08:00

In my last entry I linked to a site about women who blog and failed to credit my knowledge of this site to Daphne, who really has an interesting blog. Sorry Daphne. I love the way Daphne went to each of these women's sites and commented on them. Women are not only blogging, they are also very good at it. (Including Daphne.)

2004-03-20T09:41:00.000-08:00

This site is confirmation that women are blogging and it is creating a feminist statement that we have just as much to say as men do. Apparently, people are looking for writing talent on the web and they are noticing some of these women writers. One site: Gothamist has been recently nominated for Best NY Blog by New York magazine and for three Bloggie Awards (Best American Blog, Best Group Blog, Best Non Weblog Content). This site is really cool. It has several people who write in it (creating a community) and has quality pictures and writings. I would definitely use it daily if I lived in NY.

2004-03-17T10:13:00.000-08:00

Regarding my own education at Bemidji State University, I have had many professors who were very knowledgeable regarding women's issues. From Nancy Michael, I discovered Virginia Woolf's reponse to education for women in A Room of One's Own and Shakespeare's Sister. From Carol Milowski I discovered the world of ecofeminism through the study of Barbara Kingsolver. From Rose Weaver, I studied the influence of Margaret Atwood. And through the Dust & Fire publication (Lauren Cobb), I read women's writings and learned the importance of letting women have a voice. It is impossible to underestimate the influence these women professors have had on my knowledge of feminist issues.

2004-03-13T14:50:00.000-08:00

Today I want to talk about education. Women have always struggled to be taken serious in educational fields. We have had to prove we are "just as good" as our fellow (male) students by being better. It's still happening today. So many professors feel men are better students, smarter, deserve more credit for doing the same job as a woman, and are just generally biased against women. (Particularly if the women are non-traditional students.)

At one time, nursing and education were the only two professions believed to be appropriate as a career for a woman. We could be nurses, teachers, or mommies. I fully intended to attend college after I graduated from high school. But, in my senior year I changed my mind (an emotional and irrational decision). Instead, I decided to get married. Being married meant I had give up the idea of going to college so I could support my very smart husband in pursuit of his engineering degree. I went to work full time so he could get his degree.

Even though I was doing this for my husband, for his career, and for us and our life together, my husband was continually pointing out my stupidity. When I didn't understand a word he or his friends used, and actually asked them, "What does that mean?", my husband would respond, "Barb, how can you be so stupid?" (Don't worry, ladies, I ditched him when I smartened up.)

Three years after we married, we became parents. Again, I had to take the responsibility in caring for our son. My husband worked and again, I gave up the idea of college. I can't say I never had any interest in having a career, but I wanted to wait until after my children were in school. I became a mom at 21 and I really felt that was the most important job I could ever pursue. As I look at my children today, I know I was right. No one else could have cared for my children the way their own mother could. Even when I lost patience with them (and with myself), I still had more patience than a paid caregiver would have had.

Still, that doesn't mean that I believe all women belong at home raising kids. Women now have the choice of whether they want to have a career or a family or both. Women are waiting until later to have children, which some people believe can lead to fertility issues. That is something they might have had trouble with anyway. We don't know that it is connected to postponing having a family. But, that is one way men can make us feel guilty about having a career before having a family.

Getting back to education, this site was written by a grandfather who has quite a few interesting thoughts on the meaning of education. Take a look at it. I would love to meet this guy. He has the right idea about education. A degree just means you've earned the credentials. It doesn't necessarily mean you are smarter than someone else. Of course, all of us are smarter than someone else, but we aren't necessarily smarter than all of those who don't have a similar degree. A degree means we did the work, earned the grade, and paid our dues to get the paper.

Working hard to get the education and the degree still doesn't mean we'll get the job. (Particularly if we are women!) Sorry girls, some things never change.

2004-03-08T09:16:00.000-08:00

I have been doing some research on how women's health issues are addressed in relation to a man's, and have come upon some interesting information. I will relay some of it to you here.

According to Marianne J. Legato, M.D., in an article in Remedy magazine, for many years "doctors have assumed that, apart from reproductive biology, men's and women's bodies worked identically." It's only in the past 10 years that the National Institutes of Health (NIH), Congress and the Federal Drug Administration have required that women be included in research on diseases that affect both sexes. Some of the results have been that: "men's and women's brains process information differently, accounting in part for disagreements over maps and directions, differences in fighting styles, and conflicts about hormone-related mood swings; women's hearts beat faster than men's during sleep, which may explain some of the nightly battles over the covers."

"Significant medical differences include: women get skin cancer on different parts of the body from men; 20% of women never have chest pain with a heart attack ("Instead, they have pain in the upper abdomen accompanied by nausea, profuse sweating and severe shortness of breath."); there is a difference in the way women and men process drugs. Because drugs are processed in the liver, and men's and women's livers handle this task quite differently, the effect of the drug can be changed. "For example, sometimes women excrete drugs more rapidly than men do, and a result they do not get enough medication from each dose to provide important relief" or the drug may stay in the women's bodies longer than in a man's and this can have negative results." This can happen, in part, due to the fact that female hormones affect the rates at which some medicines are processed in the body.

The health differences between men and women don't only affect the body; they also affect our minds. "While men's brains are larger, women's contain more grey matter and have more specialized connections between neurons (brain cells). This, researchers believe, is why women are much better at interpreting both language and tonal variations in speech. Men, as a group, have more ability to visualize themselves and other objects in three dimensions, making them better at map reading and solving 3-D problems."

According to Legato, men and women handle stress differently, too. Women "secrete more of a hormone called oxytyocin, the bonding hormone, when they are in trouble. This triggers what is called the "tend and befriend" response, in contrast with the classic, adrenaline-fueled "fight or flight" reaction that men have to perceived threats or aggressive situations."

Isn't it great that women are finally being included in this medical research? Now we don't have to be evaluated based on findings done on men. Our bodies are obviously different than men's, so why should our biology be the same?

9 years ago, I had a heart attack. Luckily (or unluckily?) it was with classic (male) symptoms so the doctors recognized what it was. According to Legato's article, an ER doctor who didn't know that men and women often have different symptoms, might send a woman home with valium for her "hyperventilation" and an antacid for her "indigestion," with lethal results.

Doctors are still experimenting with my treatment (and how it should be different than the way they treat men.) According to the doctors in 1996, I should not be having a heart attack. They couldn't "justify" it, since heart disease didn't run in my family, I wasn't overweight, I didn't smoke, I exercised regularly, I ate low-fat products, I didn't have high blood pressure or high cholesteral. On top of that, I had my "hormones" to protect me. They were really flabbergasted when they couldn't point to a "reason." They basically attributed it to stress, although (according to them) stress alone can't cause a heart attack. I guess all we can say for the doctors is they are just practicing. (Get it? HaHa.)

2004-03-04T15:20:00.000-08:00

In 1999, when I was an undergrad and a freelance journalist, I covered an event that took place here on the BSU campus entitled Sex, Power and the Media. Ann Simonton (a former supermodel who worked for the Ford Modeling Agency for 11 years) was the presenter. She had been featured on the covers of Seventeen and Sports Illustrated before being raped at knifepoint. That life-changing event caused her to become an activist dedicated to exposing the media's role in promoting discrimination and violence against women. She became the Director of the California based non-profit organization, Media Watch, which provides information on current media trends, boycotts systems, and presents ideas for change in its quarterly newletters.

Some of the statistics quoted by Ms. Simonton were: 840,000 females were victims of violent crimes by intimates in 1996; 3/4 of the 1,800 women murdered in 1996 were killed by intimates (either husbands or boyfriends); 3,000 studies in the past 40 years have established a causal link between media violence and real life violence. I imagine the current statistics would fail to show any improvement.

Even after the feminist movement's efforts to stop the unrealistic and damaging portrayal of women in the media, it is easy to see women are still being portrayed as sex objections, a collection of body parts who either deserve to be (or want to be) abused. Minority women are doubly victimized through bias and stereotyping and are often depicted as animals. According to Suzanna Walters in Material Girls, "women's bodies sell cars, beer, and laundry detergent; women's loves and lives sell soap opera fantasies; women's fears and vulnerability sell blockbuster action films."

This portrayal of women as sex objects also leads to an emphasis on physical attractiveness that is causing many life-threatening problems, such as anorexia, bulimia, excessive dieting, and unnecessary cosmetic surgery.

While much of the feminist attacks on systems of representation have centered on pornography, contemporary films, literature, art, and advertisements all can be seen as "blatant and exploitive sexism of a male dominated society." The classic description of a patriarchal system, according to Walters.

Northern Student Variety Editor, Sueanne Dolentz, stated in the February 25, 2004 "She Said" article, that "whether we like it or not, the outside appearance is what people judge first." Her article sounded like the fashion police would be out looking for those who violate her definition of what's fashionable. She even says that while "girls should not obsess over their appearances and spend hours in front of the mirror trying to make themselves look like Tyra Banks," neither should they "sift through the clothes bin at the Dollar Store." I would like her to know that many of us find clothes that are very suitable, comfortable, and affordable at the Dollar Store (and the *gasp* Salvation Army). I guess this is getting off the subject a little bit, but why aren't we judged for our brains or skills or our smile, rather than our clothes?

I guess we can each decide how much our clothes "make" us who we are and how much we want the media to reflect who we are or should be and then we can do whatever we can to change what we don't like (about the media or about ourselves). Just some food for thought for all you feminists (men and women alike). Which brings up a good point- can a man be a feminist? More on that later.

2004-02-28T11:18:00.000-08:00

Well, I am late with this blog. I actually wrote last Monday, but somehow lost it and then didn't manage to get back until today (long story, don't ask). I had written quite a long nice piece on how women view themselves. It was brought into my thoughts by reading Erin's blog . I can't remember the date of her entry right now, but she was talking about the velvet dress she had on and how she couldn't find the right shoes to go with it. Viewing her blog today is even more significant in how women view themselves and how others view us. She is very poignant in her examination of how others think they know us by the way our hair looks, how we are dressed, or who we hang with.

In my last writing (the one that somehow got lost) I talked about how not being able to find the right shoes to go with our outfit can make us feel not put together. But, we are not the shoes we have on, or the dress, or the hair color. Erin is much more than that and so are we all! When others view us by outward appearances they degrade us and cheat themselves by not getting to know the real person inside.

Women are so much viewed by their outward appearance. And it doesn't help when we are compared (either consciously or unconsciously) to movie stars. It also doesn't help when older men are dumping the wives of their youth to marry younger women who can still have their children. Men like Harrison Ford, Michael Douglas, and Kevin Costner are trying to extend their own lives by spawning children with women half their age, while their original wives are left in the dust.

You don't see that happening as much with women, although Demi Moore's romance with Ashton Kutscher (is that his name?) is seen more as the butt of jokes than any true love match. Why is it totally unacceptable for a 40+ woman to date a 25 year old man, but okay for a 50-70 year old man to marry a 22-26 yera old woman? Double standard again?

Actually a 45 year old woman's libido would be much more satisfied with a 21 year old man than with a 50 year old. Wait and see, you youngsters!

More thoughts on this later.

2004-02-22T15:38:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the encouragement on what I had to say, Mary
Otieno. Yes, you are a feminist too if you feel women have another life and something to give (after motherhood).

I loved the feminist site you directed us to redirecting us on feminist thinking.

As for my last entry, another thought came to me: Maybe fertility marks the beginning of the creative cycle for these women, as the muse brought the onset of fertile thinking for our most creative (poetic) men. Perhaps menstrual blood is the muse that quickens the "voice" of these women.

2004-02-17T08:27:00.000-08:00

Well, for my first week I decided to address health issues, but I had no idea I would find a blog that focused on creating art from menstrual blood. I was surprised to see how many women were interested in this type of art form. I was also surprised to discover that menstrual blood is considered art, although I have always considered women a form of art. I think what these women are really celebrating is their fertility...the ability to create life.

Celebrating menstruation is a far cry from the way I was educated in the 1960s. We were told it was a "curse"- something to be hidden and dreaded- certainly not something to be celebrated. Remember the movie "Carrie"? When she gets her period she freaks out- believing she's dying- and that crazy mother of hers! Wow!That was kind of like my time- back in the day. But not really that bad. My mom did have a talk with me about the "birds and the bees", as did the school nurse. The boys in junior high all knew the girls had some kind of a health lesson that they didn't get- including a film on becoming a woman. The film showed us clinically what was happening (or going to happen) to our bodies- changing, getting ready for a baby. It encouraged us to wear protection- always sanitary napkins, never tampons. It was a "normal and natural process" for our bodies to be preparing for a baby (making a nest, preparing a home), but totally unnatural to use any type of protection that would be put up inside our bodies.

Times are totally different now. (Thank God.) Menstruation is, if not something to be celebrated, at least not a stigma. It is one difference women have from men, and even from each other. We are each unique and so is the experience of becoming a woman. Girls and boys now openly talk about changes in their bodies. (Well, mature boys, anyway.)

While it is great that these women are celebrating their ability to conceive (or the fact that they are not conceiving, but still have that ability), I accept the cyclic nature of life. I wouldn't change the fact that menopause follows the years of fertility. I don't accept the idea that life is over when fertility ends. I accept all the changes in my body and try to focus on being the best I can be in each stage of life. Menopause doesn't have to mean becoming a dried up prune. I loved the years of being mommy, having little kids, going through pregnancies and diapers. But I'm glad those years are behind me and now I can be grandma. Now I can think of myself first. I now have time to pursue the things that interest me and a little bit more money to do those things. Maybe this is my reward for all the years of self sacrifice and dedication to someone else's needs.

2004-02-16T12:40:00.000-08:00

2004-02-13T11:07:00.000-08:00

The purpose of this blog is to examine blogs written by women which address issues of importance to other women. I will be looking at blogs by classmates, as well as others on the web, which I feel have legitimate issues to discuss and/or questions and/or concerns, which other women in the web community may find enlightening/interesting/similar to their own/in complete contrast to their own or in some other way cause a reaction. So, beginning with the next entry, I will look at some sites you may have a reaction to. If you want to comment, please feel free to contact me at the email address listed.